Learning the Language of Feelings

Article Title: Learning the Language of Feelings Article Author: Mark Linden O’Meara Article Copyright: 2006 Author Contact Email: publisher@healingresources.org Word Count: 1180

Learning the Language of Feelings An excerpt from The Feeling Soul – A Roadmap to Healing and Living Mark Linden O’Meara, Soul Care Publishing ISBN: 0-968045928 Available at Amazon.com. Reprinted with permission of the publisher. The following article may be reproduced in newsletters and websites free of charge as long as the author and book title are credited.

Part of self growth and developing self-knowledge involves learning to express the feelings, ideas and thoughts you are having. To describe how you are feeling is a challenge given the fact that language is imprecise, and at times it is difficult to translate body sensations into words. While taking some Chinese lessons, I questioned my teacher about the expression of emotion in Chinese. I was told that there are four basic emotions and the rest are combinations of emotion or impressions we have of our self or others.

The four basic emotions are: Bei grief, sorrow, mourning Le joy, cheerfulness, optimism Nu anger, rage, fury, berating Xi value, compassion, happiness, love

Other feelings or states such as jealousy and envy are described as impressions we have as a result of our thoughts and beliefs about other people. Some psychologists suggest that your feelings come from your thoughts. Others believe that emotions come from a deeper experience. If we consider the four basic emotions as soul experience and other emotions as impressions from thoughts and beliefs, then we can reconcile the two theories. Recent research using Magnetic Resonance Imaging scans has shown that our emotional centre reacts much faster than your thinking process. Does this mean that the “thoughts into emotions” theorists are wrong? Not really! It means that we need a more complex model to describe what is going on. I believe that joyous feelings, grief, anger and happiness and love are soul or heart expressions, while other feelings may be triggered by thought processes. It is possible too that your soul feelings will impact your thoughts. In order to progress in your growth, regardless of the theory, you need to learn to express and communicate your feelings, both the soul and impression kinds.

In my travels to China I learned how precise the Chinese language is compared to the English language. It seems that many of the Chinese expression characters are actually a combination of words. For example the root word bei, which means sadness, can be combined with other characters to mean sad, sorrowful, melancholy, grieved, painfully sad, mixed feelings of joy and grief, compassion, bitter, miserable, sad and worried, grief over the death of a friend, grief and indignation, pessimistic and gloomy, overcome with grief, sad and choking with sobs.

The same goes for the word for happiness – xi, when combined with other words can mean outright glee, overjoyed, not feeling tired of it, buoyant, cheerful, fun, pleasure and contentment. I found that the Chinese language seemed far more robust that our English language.

There is also an important phrase “le ji sheng bei” which means “when joy reaches its height, sorrow comes in turn, extreme joy begets sorrow.” These words of wisdom echo the familiar phrase what goes up must come down. Other phrases more completely described concepts rather than just feelings. A word describing bitterness referred to “going through years of suffering, to be full of misery but find no place to pour it out.”

Imagine if we could all become more literate and complex in our describing of our feelings. I believe the best improvement in this area would be to try to describe the combination of feelings and the situation or movement that we are experiencing. This would help clarify and give deeper meaning to what you are feeling.

In reflecting on how you are feeling you can refine your description by describing not one but many feelings. Also describe the situation and what you are hoping for. For example instead of saying “I am hurt”, try to go deeper. You could say “I am feeling sad and betrayed because I was let down when a promise was broken.” This is far more precise and communicative than the words “I am hurt.” Learn to be more descriptive! So, What Am I Feeling?

If someone were to ask you “How are you feeling?” how would you answer? For many of us it may be difficult to accurately answer this question. In some cases you may never have actually been asked such a question. In a society where relationships are built upon communicating, the absence of an understanding of how you are feeling limits your ability to develop close relationships. How can you interact if you are unaware of your feelings? It is difficult to have self-knowledge if you are not in touch with your emotions.

So how do you feel? Here’s a checklist to help identify emotions. Take a look at this list often; do a self-check; try to evaluate which emotions are present and which are not at a given moment. Which emotions have you experienced recently? Which emotions would you like to experience more often? Try combining words to try to express how you are feeling. There is no rule that you can only be feeling one emotion at a time!

How am I feeling? Afraid Aggressive Agonized Angry Annoyed Anxious Apologetic Arrogant Bad Bashful Bewildered Blissful Bored Cautious Cheerful Cold Contented Confident Confused Content Curious Defensive Demure Depressed Detached Determined Disappointed Disapproving Discouraged Disbelieving Disgusted Disillusioned Disoriented Doubtful Ecstatic Elated Embarrassed Empty Enraged Envious Exasperated Excited Exhausted Exuberant Fearful Frenzied Frightened Frustrated Furious Great Grief Guilty Happy Hassled Helpless Helpful Hopeful Hopeless Horrified Humbled Hurt Hysterical Indifferent Innocent Insecure Interested Irritable Irritated Isolated Jealous Joyous Liberated Liked Lonely Loving Mad Meditative Mischievous Miserable Morbid Motivated Negative Numb Offended Optimistic Outraged Painful Panicked Paranoid Pessimistic Perplexed Powerful Powerless Puzzled Regretful Relaxed Relieved Resentful Restless Sad Satisfied Scared Sheepish Shocked Skeptical Smug Surprised Sympathetic Tender Tense Thoughtful Undecided Uneasy Unhappy Unsure Valuable Vulnerable Withdrawn Worthless Worried

From the list above, check which ones you are feeling at this moment. Go through each word one at a time and think of a time or situation when the word describes how you once felt. Take the time to also imagine how each word makes you feel and how that word would feel in your body. Remember too, that sometimes you may have no words to describe how you feel. An emotion may be simply a sensation in your body. Many times I have encountered people who wish they could cry and they definitely believe it would be helpful and healing, yet no tears come. In my own healing process I experienced this a number of times. I learned that I had to be patient, that there was some lesson I needed to learn to unlock my pain. At times I had to be patient and trust that the protective nature of my sub-conscious would be wise enough to know when I was ready. I was never let down by this process! At times however, when very busy, I would not make time to mediate and explore my emotions. The following process helped me in those times. Sitting quietly, I would scan my body for tension. I would ask myself “What am I feeling at this moment?” Try to use the concept of using multiple words and describing the situation, expectations and what you hoped for, and what could have been done differently to express yourself!

For more information about The Feeling Soul visit www.HealingResources.org The Feeling Soul - A Roadmap to Healing and Living is available at Amazon.com and other fine bookstores.